Wasted Beauty
by shikigami-kun
Summary: One-shot (unless requested otherwise) - Ken wakes up and his thoughts throughout the morning. KxRA - shonnen-ai hints. Please, please, please read and review! Danke!


Title: Wasted Beauty

Author: shikigami-kun/Arldetta

Disclaimers: God I wished I owned at least one of the series that I write for, then I might have at least enough money to but all the merchandise. But alas, I don't. :(

Summary: Ken wakes up after a mission.

Author's note: Well, I would first like to say that this is a rarity for me. I don't like 1st person because I don't think I'm very good at it. And I find it very hard to remain in 1st person because I've a very stubborn narrator in me who likes to peek into the minds of all the characters. And 1st person always seems so limited to me. Anyway, please read since I will be having another AN at the end because I don't want to spoil it for you before you read it. Let me know if you like it and want more. THANK YOU!! :D

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You know that place where you are between the sleep state and full awareness? I like that place. I like the sensation that the world is surreal and that life is perfect. Sometimes I wish I could linger in that moment. Because when I wake up I have to face reality again. And I don't want to face the real world, there's too much ugliness in it. I should know, I'm part of it. I mean, I do _kill_ for a living. Well, mostly anyway, I'm also a florist by day. Funny really, if you think about it. I spread the brutality of death by night and the beauty of colour by day. And unlike the others, I even spread the joy of laughter from the kids I coach.

Anyway, I digress. I haven't even fully woken yet and I'm already daydreaming. That's right, simple-minded, plain little Ken should not be philosophizing this early in the morning, if ever. Especially when I'm trying to linger in that in between state I was referring to at the very beginning. The bed beneath me is so incredibly comfortable and I don't feel like moving. Although it seems a bit chilly right now. So I think I'll just have to snuggle to warm up. God it feels wonderful in his arms. I could stay like this forever. -sigh-

I can feel his warm breath caress my face and I snuggle just a little closer in response. Was that a shiver that just went through him? Don't worry love, I'll keep you warm. I smile at the thought. I don't really know how long we stay like that, but I soon feel him stir. "Morning Koi," he whispers before rolling out of bed. I miss him already. The bed feels way too big for just one person. -sigh-

I hear him start to get ready for work. He amazes me sometimes, even after such a harrowing mission he can still get up bright and early for work the next day. Lucky for me, I have the morning off. I'm not very good at waking up early. And especially not after such a crappy mission. Hmmm, that's odd, for some reason I can't remember all the details of last night. It was last night wasn't it? Must be that in between state thing that's messing me up. No matter. I'll just stay under the blankets for a while before I get up.

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Yawn. The sun's peeking through the curtains beckoning me to wake. So I finally oblige it. Afterall, I'm really missing Ran now. The bed has become unbelievably cold since he left. Something seems off. I can't tell exactly what it is but I just feel like something is not quite right here. Come to think of it, Ran didn't kiss me this morning. And his voice, it sounded a bit sad. I wonder, did I do something wrong?

Oh well, I'll find out sooner or later. I may as well head down and check on the shop. It's so silly, but I don't mind helping out even when it's not my scheduled time to be there. At least as long as Ran's there too. Just being near to him makes it all worth while. -sigh-

I hurry up and get changed then rush downstairs. Not really all that hungry, may as well wait until later. I walk into the shop and find it bustling still, must be about lunch. I can see Yoji dealing with some fawning fangirls. And Ran's manning the register. He looks different a little paler, maybe even a bit thinner. I'll have to talk to him about it later. I know better than to interrupt him while he's working. Best thing I can do is keep out of his way. Maybe I'll help with filling in some of the orders. Looks like they've got their hands busy. I'm just happy none of those girls spotted me, I've never been good at dealing with them. I end up blushing uncontrollably waiting for someone to rescue me. Ran, my knight in shining armor.

-whew- I made it to the back room. Looks like they were already trying to work on the orders, all the flowers have been laid out just not placed. May as well get to work. -humming-

It doesn't take me long to finish them up. I was even able to slip into the shop to grab a few of my trademark gentians. I just can't help putting them in.Man, does my back hurt. Must have pulled a muscle during the mission or something. It's killing me.

Huh, what's this? Another order stuck under the others?! Dang it. Ha, looks like dealing with the kids has kept my mouth clean even in my mind. Oh well, back to work. Now let's see, I need a vase. I scan the area quickly and don't see one. Probably on a shelf. Turning around, I spot what I'm looking for on the top shelf.

-huff- It would figure. Why do they persist on putting them up there? Don't they know that Omi and I can't reach that high? Well, here goes nothing. If I step on the bottom shelf, I may just be able to reach them. Almost, almost. Got it! -crash!- Well, I had it anyway. It was really weird. I mean I know I had a good hold on it and then suddenly it was like my hand was covered in grease or something because it slipped right through it. I hope the others didn't hear it. Better hurry up and clean it before.....

"Ken, che." Too late. -cringe- I look up and see red, literally. But as much as he's mad, he looks wonderful to me. I just wish I wasn't such a klutz. I hate disappointing him. My shoulders automatically sag when I hear his clipped tone. He's not even looking at me. He just moves silently, deliberately, even a little stiffly to my mess grabbing the broom and dustpan on the way. And he does what he always does, picking up the pieces after I've created such a mess. -sigh-

"I'm sorry, Ran. I didn't mean to drop it. I mean, I had it in my hand but it just slipped out. Can you forgive me?" I wait, hoping he won't be too mad. I can already tell something is bothering him. I must have done something stupid and for the life of me I just don't know what it is.

He's finished now. Still he doesn't look at me. "Ran, please. Please talk to me. What ever it is I did I'm sorry." Why isn't he answering me? I can't take his silence. After these past few months when we're finally breaking down our barriers and talking openly to revert to such silence is absolute torture. What did I do? The mission, it must have been the mission. But before I can ask, I notice that he's looking at my arrangements.

He mutters softly, "Ken." And it's filled with pain. He sounds so lost and hurt. I can feel the tears brimming in my eyes, for I know they are in his. Someone please tell me what I have done so I can fix this! He's touching the gentians in my arrangements. His movements have become so hesitant. Is he trembling? "Why?" His voice breaks along with my heart.

"If you don't like them, I'll redo them. Please, please don't be upset." I'm practically stumbling over my words for I have rushed them out, desperately trying to correct the errors I have made. Still he doesn't look at me. I reach out for him but fail to make contact. My hand stops in mid-motion by his next question.

"Why did you leave me?" I can hear the pain that he is suffering. His voice is wavering ever so slightly. It is so un-Ran-like. But what did he mean by that?

"Leave? I never left you. I'm right here, aren't I?"

"You promised me that you would never leave me. That you would be by my side forever. But you lied. You lied to me!" He's shouting and crying. And I'm so stunned that I can't even fathom a response. I've reduced the man I love more than anything to tears and I still have no idea what I did.

"Ran?" Yoji must have heard his shouting. I look up at him hopefully. I need help. I have to fix this. Silently, Yoji comes up behind Ran and places hands on _my_ lover's shoulders. I don't know what to do any more. Gently, the blonde urges, "You must let this go Ran. I know how much this hurts, but you have to be strong now."

"No! It's not fair." My heart's breaking. How have I crushed him so completely that he can't even control his emotions anymore? "He promised me. He promised me he would never leave me!"

"But..... but I'm right here." I whisper.

Ran throws whatever was in his hand to the floor, breaks from Yoji's hold and runs out of the room. Yoji and I are left dumbfounded. I look over and notice the now crushed gentian on the floor. Flattened by Ran's hand. I'm still so confused. Yoji's back is too me and I can hear him sigh heavily. Leaning over, he picks up the smothered flower. "Why did you abandon him, Ken?"

"I don't understand, I didn't leave him. Please, please explain to me what I did wrong, Yoji. Please."

"Didn't you realize how badly he would take your death? Especially when those bullets were meant for him, not you. You were always too damn stubborn. You left your post the moment you felt he was in trouble. And look where it got you. -sigh- Damn it Ken. Why did you have to die? Without you the world has dimmed. And I don't think Ran will ever be able to recover. And all these little reminders," he glances down at the flower in his hand, "they only make it worse." He heads to the door and deposits the crumpled bloom into the trash, murmuring, "wasted beauty." Then he turns off the light and closes the door. And my world is plunged into darkness.

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Well, I'm sure it was rather predictable and for that I'm sorry. It's just this little PB has been bothering me for a week and I finally sat down to write it. I originally intended this to go a little father but remain as a one shot, but for some reason I felt this would work too. So, if you happened to like and would want to read the rest of what I had in mind, please **_review_**. Thank you for reading!!!

And Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!

-Ari-kun :D


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